This has been a strange week. It started off with me being angry at a guy who decided to drop all contact. After being friends for almost a year, we decided to see what it would be like to transition into a romantic relationship. Well, if you’ve listened to my podcast, watched my YouTube videos, or even read my latest Instagram posts, you know how that went.
I spent most of the week feeling friendless and abandoned. This hit me pretty hard. For a moment I even thought I wouldn’t recover. I thought that I’d become some bitter person who never wants to make friends or even try relationships again. What this whole ordeal has shown me is my resilience. As of this writing, I’m feeling happier and getting closer to being my old self. How did I get past being ghosted? Read on. I’m no psychologist or life coach, but hopefully my issue can help you if you’re experiencing the same thing.
Focus On Your Work
I never got so lost in my relationship with this person that I forgot I had my own life. However, it did slow things down. I wasn’t editing my book or releasing social media content as consistently. It’s normal with any new relationship to have things in flux, but it was such a blessing to have something to do after being dumped. I got back to editing, my social media content is stronger, and those bits of progress helped me feel like I was growing – growing past the hurt and further into my purpose.
What is your passion? Try some things and find it. Then make it your foundation – your daily practice. When things go wrong, jump back in and let progress be your way out.
Keep In Contact With People Who Care
When you’re as isolated as me, it’s easy to get down in the dumps, depressed, and feeling like there’s nobody in the world who cares. I had to stop myself from going down that path and remind myself that the extreme thought that no one stuck by me or cared was incorrect. I went out with my mom, watched TV with my dad and my brother, had funny conversations with my co-worker, and made plans for drinks with a friend. My feeling of being isolated is not unfounded, but it’s not as bad as I think.
Every time I think of making a post where my heart bleeds and I look for sympathy, something inside me stops it. I think that’s because deep down, despite going through a rough patch, I know that my life really isn’t as bad as it seems. Even though it feels like it a lot of times, I can’t say “everyone abandons me” and “I can’t make friends” because not everyone does and I do have friends. I’d like to thank all the people I call friends for really being there for me. Even if some of us don’t hang out much, having you in my corner helps me to hang on. Tag a friend you’re grateful for! Mine: @assimdegabriel @samalex33 @bipolar_biped (you guys rock)
Chances are, it’s not as bad as you think either. You didn’t get this far by being alone. Who do you talk to? Reach out and just chill, make plans, whatever. Get back to the reality that there are people who value you. And if all else fails, get in contact with me. If you’re reading this, I care about you too.
Forgive Yourself And Them
This last part is the hardest. It’s a lesson I learned a few years ago after being continuously dogged by someone. We won’t go into it here, but if I hadn’t gone through that I wouldn’t have learned the value of forgiveness.
This week, I had to take some time and get still, quiet, and just breath and think. It was then that I could say to myself, “I forgive you and I forgive myself.” That didn’t mean I had to let this person back into my life, but I made the choice to start the process of removing the feelings around this situation and just see it for what it is. He was obviously feeling something that he did not have the courage to express and decided that not speaking at all was the best way out. I had to forgive myself because I sent a nasty text in retaliation. I didn’t hit too far below the belt, but it didn’t make me feel any better.
Are you willing to forgive and move on? Take a moment, breathe, and let it go. Then forgive yourself for your part. We’re all only human. We make mistakes. It’s important to remember that when feeling burned.
I know I don’t usually go to this deep place, but I thought it was important to address. I hope if you’re going through something similar this helps. You’re stronger than you think.